A Work in Progress - story of MDD

[Okami]

I'm about to start hand-writing a story through the eyes of the voice of MDD (Major depressive disorder)

Basically, Depression is a wolf, hungry and agressive, prowling for anyone to stake a claim on. The weak and wounded. He acts as a shadow, always looming over your shoulder.

I think I'm going to try this in the second-person POV as well, something I have not yet done.

As a person struggling with MDD, I thought it might be interesting to try to get some of those emotions of raw anger and rage out in the form of a story, to show how it really is. To feel that hate breathing down your neck, screaming obscenities.

Because I truly believe that this is something people just don't understand. We CAN'T just 'get over it' like they so wish of us. I want to give them a taste of what it's like. What it feels like to be trapped, with anxiety making your heart pound a million beats a minute.

I'm thinking of calling it "Le Loup d'Ombre" like what my user title is, literally "The Shadow Wolf" or more accurately, "The Wolf of Shade."

What do you guys think, would you read it if I were to translate it to the computer? It's just an idea I've been playing with recently.

[Endless Eden]

I'm about to start hand-writing a story through the eyes of the voice of MDD (Major depressive disorder)

Basically, Depression is a wolf, hungry and agressive, prowling for anyone to stake a claim on. The weak and wounded. He acts as a shadow, always looming over your shoulder.

I think I'm going to try this in the second-person POV as well, something I have not yet done.

As a person struggling with MDD, I thought it might be interesting to try to get some of those emotions of raw anger and rage out in the form of a story, to show how it really is. To feel that hate breathing down your neck, screaming obscenities.

Because I truly believe that this is something people just don't understand. We CAN'T just 'get over it' like they so wish of us. I want to give them a taste of what it's like. What it feels like to be trapped, with anxiety making your heart pound a million beats a minute.

I'm thinking of calling it "Le Loup d'Ombre" like what my user title is, literally "The Shadow Wolf" or more accurately, "The Wolf of Shade."

What do you guys think, would you read it if I were to translate it to the computer? It's just an idea I've been playing with recently.

LOL my mother is always telling me i am a major depressed person.I love books and this sounds quite intriguing i whould read it anyways it seems like a good idea tackling a problem loads of people face.

[kuoleva]

I would most definitely read it. :3

I struggle with MDD as well, and everyone just doesn't take it seriously. They always say "oh, just get over it". Really? Do you know what I'd give if I could? What I'd give to have the little voice telling me that I'm worthless and stupid, to go away? What I'd give for one day of joy? Freedom?

You should write it. Sure, most people who think it's silly probably won't change their minds, most of them are (pardon my French >_>) douchebags. But, we can't give this to them. I think a story is as close as you can get.

In other words: Do eet.

[Okami]

Exactly, Kuo. The voices that say "Just one more pill would numb the pain, just take the knife and end it all and you could be away from this hurt..." people don't get it that they don't go away easily. They say to me "Oh, well a good Christian wouldn't struggle the way you do, you must be doing something wrong." And the cussing just fills my head, F*upF*upF*up, SINNER. Yeah yeah, tell me something I don't already know, Depression. It gets olds after 17 months.

Yeah, when I write in conveying depression, especially its darker undertones, I don't bother in cleaning up my language. This would be a story telling it just like it is.

Did you know that douche is French literally meaning shower? Our class had a field day with that one!

Once the small notebook I bought today is filled, I shall start typing it. (It's funny, this navy blue notebook has a flowered skirt pattern to protect the spiral...talk about...ironic) It shouldn't take me too long, since the ideas come to me often.

[Endless Eden]

Some pretty dark thoughts there....I am beginning to like the idea of this story more and more it really speaks to me

[kuoleva]

Heh, don't worry about language, mine is horrible. >_>

And, exactly. That voice just saying, "That blade is right there. The gun is just in the drawer. The pills are on the table. Come on, it's easy..." refuses to shut up.

Don't even get me started on the masks you have to wear around most people. The trying-too-hard "Hey guys, I'm happy, really, quit asking" face that's pretty much required in public.

The only upside, it seems, is that I have gotten a better sense of understanding how fragile life is, and I'm a better artist. I normally can't draw well, but nowadays my art has more meaning behind it. Like my title says, "Kuolema tekee taiteilijian". Translated from Finnish to English, it means "Death makes artists". Not only is it the title of my favourite song, it has meaning. And, like the last verse of the song:

"Oman taivaan tänne loin

Anna minun päästä pois"

Which means, "My own heaven I created here, let me get away". To me, it just holds so much meaning, as I often escape into games, or my computer, or my stories and books, to get away from reality.

And, really? I didn't know douche meant shower. Haha, now I'll have to start saying, "You! Go take a douche! Now!"

[Okami]

I'm grateful for the response of support thus far. When people see my writings they generally say "Oh geez, just another one of those emo kid writers." And no, I write to express the emotion, getting below and tearing off the masks people have towards pain. Like Jamie T. recently stated "You are not a 'cutter' you are a person." Freaking beautiful beyond my words to describe.

[Okami]

Pardon my double post, just wanted to give a sampler taste of my opening:

Plague your life and your death, the chills run the length of your spine. Cold and haunting lies those memories, dormant in your conscious alone.

And screaming for a savior, I sit here laughing, because in the end you're still alone. Tick tock, tick tock, and your faith is dead, and without self-shame you're misunderstood. No one understands you anyways.

Edited June 6, 2009 by Okami
Typo....

[pokemonfan]

That, okami, is chilling and...wow...it'll be a good story by the time you're done.